Wednesday, December 16, 2009


I spent the last 2 weeks debating on which cell phone I should upgrade to and my gf, a devout Apple consumer, spent 2 weeks trying to convince me to get an iphone. Having been a long time Motorola user I was inclined to continue the trend and buy the Motorola Droid. My gf's persistent demeanor had other plans however. She shot down my selection of smart phone preferences, calling them iphone imitator. Exhausted from her consistent pressure, I finally relented and got the 3Gs. You'd think she would be proud of herself for having converted me to an Apple user, or even excited for me but nay. Do you smell that...smells like jealousy.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Large Denominations

You know that age old excuse people use when they want their friend to pay for them. I'm sure you've probably tried using it yourself a couple times. For example, buying a pack of gum at the news stand you might slyly ask your friend "Can you get this for me, it's only $1.50 and I don't want to break my hundred dollar bill." This trick might work a few times on the same friend, but eventually they will catch on after the small purchases start adding up. The trick completely failed however, when my gf tried using it on me at the grocery store by saying "I don't want to break this $20 bill." Nice try Sweetie! Muah.

Friday, December 4, 2009


Back in March I decided to buy a Xootr MG kick scooter after researching about efficient and convenient alternative modes of transportation. When I brought the scooter home and proudly showed off my new purchase to my gf she laughed in my face and reprimanded me for acting like a child. I tried explaining to her that the Xootr MG was no ordinary kid's scooter, but rather what TIME magazine calls "the Rolls Royce of scooters." As usual my argument was rebuffed and my gf continued to mock me for the next few days. Little did I know, my scooter would soon become shared property as my gf asked to ride it whenever we went grocery shopping or walked to the car. Before I knew it she was monopolizing my scooter, which she had labeled as a "kid's toy." While outside together, the only time I was allowed to utilize it was with her clinging onto my back while riding tandem. Tandem meaning, her standing directly behind me with me pushing a combined weight of 280 lbs...I thought I was going to die on some of the uphill streets.

Maybe it was a blessing in disguise that my scooter was stolen.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009


In the spirit of Thanksgiving I wanted to take a moment to write something nice about my gf. I think she deserves a break from all the teasing about her funny characteristics, which make her so unique and lovable. So here goes nothing...Hmmm, ummm...just a minute...let me think now...there must be something...
Just kidding sweetie, you can lower your arms from that attack position now. This Thanksgiving I am thankful for having a sweet and loving gf who I enjoy spending everyday with. You've brought much laughter and joy into my life this past year and I am grateful to have you by my side. Muah!

We'll return to your regular schedule programming after the holidays.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Ordering epic fail

Ordering at French restaurants can cause quite the dilemma considering the subtleties of pronouncing French dishes. I'm sure there are many out there, myself included, that would have trouble pronouncing coq au vin: COKE oh-VANH or Duck a l'orange: DUCK ah-lo-RAHNGE or Steak au poivre: STAKE oh PWAHV. Most diners might butcher the pronuncation, but for the most part I'm certain the waiter would be able to get your order correct without asking for clarification. Recently my dear dear gf managed to order a completely different dish than what was on the menu at Epices, which isn't a French restaurant btw. "I'll have the Falafel [fuh-lah-fuhl] " she says to the waiter...

You had to be there.

Friday, November 6, 2009


Being a dog lover, it didn't take much persuading from my gf to convince me to have her dog shipped to NY from Singapore. What she forgot to mention was that her dog is actually a killer attack dog that enjoys biting at people's pant legs and challenging other dogs 20x his size. I love you Bambi!

Friday, October 23, 2009


My gf recently signed up for a credit/debit card with the intention of building up her credit rating. Her plan seems to have back fired as she becomes more and more tangled in the web of online shopping. Every week some random products arrive in the mail. Recent purchases include a waffle/panini maker, a scarf with pockets, an assortment of lotions and facial creams, and a pink sheer tank top(despite the summer being over). This new addiction is on top of the apparel sample sale addiction she already has; at least they only accept cash.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Don't forget the lyrics

My gf isn't a big fan of pop music so it's understandable when she doesn't recognize the artist whose song is playing on the radio, but recently when I discovered she had mistaken the lyrics to Lady Gaga's "Paparazzi" song I couldn't help but divulge her version to her friends, whom proceeded to erupt in sidesplitting laughter.

Her version:

I'm your biggest fan
I'll follow you until you love me
Baby there's no other superstar
You know that I'll be your

Maybe Lady Gaga is a huge opera fanatic???

Friday, October 9, 2009

Pack leader

My gf thinks I don't act as the pack leader for our dog because I don't always correct him if he tugs on the leash while on walks and since I rather not be seen in public carrying a water gun, which also doubles as a weapon of last resort to correct the dog's misbehavior. The fact is that I've improved as a dominant pack leader over time and the dog is definitely more trustworthy of me. All the while, my gf still remains a pushover as evidenced when I awake with the dog snuggled up, under the covers, by our feet despite the fact that we agreed not to let him sleep on the bed. Keep in mind he's a chihuahua so you can rule out the theory that he jumped on the bed while we were asleep.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Cruel and unusual punishment


Is it considered animal cruelty if your gf offers her bare feet to the dog and he licks it over and over for 5 minutes? Plus, when you discover this gross encounter and tell her to stop, she claims "he likes it, see."

Friday, October 2, 2009

Say apologize!

When my gf and I get into a fight it's pretty hard for us to stay mad at each other because she'll usually say something silly and we'll both start cracking up. Case in point, the other day we started arguing about something I did or didn't do, I can't recall exactly what it was but she was pretty pissed at me. Towards the end of our little spat she demands "say apologize." Despite having learned from past experience that I have a better chance at winning the lottery than an argument with the gf, I can't resist digging myself into a deeper hole and mutter "apologize."
Not surprisingly, punches ensue...I guess I'm a masochist : )

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

The truth is out!!!

Question #2 from this Newsweek quiz about women and sex ask:

What's more likely to make a women who is interested in you sexually aroused?

a) taking her for a quiet walk in the park
b) drawing her a nice bubble bath
c) going for a run together
d) feeding her chocolate

Answer: (c) exercise jump-starts sexual arousal in women.

OMG, that's why my gf asked me to go running together on our 1st date.
I think I was seduced : /

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


Loyal readers, I am calling on your help. My gf has contracted some type of medical condition that I haven't been able to diagnose. If you are a doctor or have come across the following symptoms please contact me asap. Here are her symptoms:
-extremely gassy
-enjoys hitting me
-always wakes up late for work
-likes to kiss me after chewing Japanese dried squid snacks

Thank you in advance for any assistance you can provide.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Dessert Heaven...NOT!!!

It's a well known fact that guys occasionally give their significant others gifts that they really want for themselves. Prime examples include big screen TVs or stainless steel BBQ grills. Now unless your gf lives under a rock, she's obviously going to point out your ulterior motive and demand another gift, probably something from Tiffany as punishment. When it comes to presents for the gf, rarely do guys get to have one's cake and eat it too. As luck would have it, when my gf requested a KitchenAid stand mixer for her birthday it was seemingly a win-win situation for me. Given that she has an account on, where users share recipes and post pictures of their cooking, and her inclination for baking sweets I figured my sweet tooth would be satisfied with an abundance of chocolate chip cookies, frosted cupcakes, triple chocolate mousse cakes, and oreo-crumb cheesecakes. With the assistance of a high-end, 10 speed, 120 volt beauty of a mixer, who wouldn't take advantage and churn out desserts by the boatload. As it turns out, the stand mixer has sat idle on the kitchen counter for the majority of its life and my sweet tooth remains unsatisfied.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

What does your email address say about you?

Although my gf has not been a teenager for nearly a decade she only recently upgraded to an "adult" email account. You know what I'm talking about, right? Everyone is guilty of it...that first ever email address you created. If you are female and Asian I'm 99% certain that your address contained at least one of the following words: angel, baby, sweetie, lil, or cutie. If you really put some thought into the creative process you probably ended up with something like Well my gf was definitely part of the rule, not the exception on this one. Fortunately, after much prodding from myself and some friends, she agreed to join the rest of the world and signed up for a gmail account with a mature sounding address in the format of It's a step forward, but I have a feeling that getting her to act her age will be a lot more difficult.

Monday, September 14, 2009


You may have noticed the lull of recent blog entries. Could it be that my gf has transformed into the perfect girlfriend thus giving me no funny material to write about? Is it possible that she stopped berating me to do the laundry, wash the dishes, or walk the dog? Am I the king of my domain, laying on the couch, feet elevated on the coffee table with remote in one hand and a cold beer in the other? If you hesitated in your answer then you obviously don't know my gf. She recently returned from Europe, so I'm sure there will be plenty of reading material on this page in the near future. In the interim, enjoy the break as I certainly will.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Dog Training/Boyfriend Training

The other day we hired a bark busters dog trainer to teach us how to train our chihuahua, Bambi. The gist of the 2 hour/$200 session was that we need to correct Bambi whenever he misbehaves. The trainer explained that when Bambi barks or doesn't obey a command we should say "BAHH!!" in a low, firm voice. On the other hand, if Bambi complies then we should praise him by saying "good boy" in a sweet, gentle tone. I know, I're thinking you could have learned the same thing from watching 1 episode of the Dog Wisperer. Anyway, my gf decides to apply the same training techniques on me as if it's compatible with boyfriends. So now I get a BAHH!! whenever I leave clothes on the floor or don't wash the dishes. Woof?

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

I'm the weatherman

Every morning when my gf awakes from her deep, drool filled slumber she'll turn to me and ask "What's the weather today?" While it's true I usually do have an idea of the temperature, my answer never seems to suffice, which leaves me wondering, why ask in the 1st place then? Given my lack of meteorology training, I'll answer to the best of my ability which consist of the general responses of hot, warm, chilly, or cold. To which my sweet, never annoying gf will reply "How hot or how cold?" She assumes I know the exact temperature the instant I wake up as if I were Al Roker doing the weather on the Today show. I guess this would be the response she expects; sweetie, today's high will reach 76 degrees with a 60% chance of thunderstorms. An area of low pressure is moving across the coast so expect an inch of precipiatation starting around 7pm tonight. Have a great day at work.
Here's the kicker, when I look up the weather and tell her the temperature, she'll ask "what's that in celcius?"

Monday, August 31, 2009

de·ceive: to give a false impression

For our 1st date I had planned to take her to dinner at a Japanese restaurant. I figured the customary dinner date route would be the best approach to get to know one another. On the day of our date, she offered the idea of going running in central park prior to dinner. I was a bit taken aback by the suggestion of such an unusual 1st date activity, but being a semi-avid runner I was quite enthused. I conjured up images of those good looking, athletic couples that you always see running together. I thought to myself, that could be us! The run goes well as does dinner and our 1st date turns into our 2nd and 3rd...and things progress nicely except for one thing. You guessed it..the idea of going running together never became a mainstay of our relationship. I guess that's what anniversaries are for.

Sweetie, see you in central year.

Oh, I didn't tell you?

me: Sweetie, I'm playing golf with my mom tomorrow. I'm so excited!
gf: You can't! We're going to my uncle's wife's brother's daughter's sweet 16 party in NJ.
me: Huh?! What?! Why didn't you tell me earlier???
gf: Oh, I didn't tell you? Oops, keke
me: Seriously?? Whose birthday? I don't want to go.
gf: You have to. We need you to drive.

It's true everyone is good at something. I guess my forte is driving/parallel parking.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Whose fault is it anyway?

Email from my gf:
Honey, I left my cellphone at home. Why didn't you put my cellphone in my purse this morning??? I hate you : P

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Pinkberry is dangerous

For the majority of 2008 my gf had a seriously pinkberry addiction. The need for a frozen yogurt fix could occur at anytime, whether it was after a 5 course meal or prior to eating breakfast. So one day she was jonesing for some pinkberry aka crackberry so we make our way to the nearby pinkberry, conveniently located 5 blocks away. She orders a medium original (the best flavor in my opinion) with diced strawberries, mangoes, and captain crunch. We make our way home eating and walking simultaneously. Unfortunately, unlike most new yorkers, eating and walking at the same time is a skill that my gf has not yet mastered. We make it 4 blocks before she crashes into a horizontal scaffolding bar all because she was too focused on devouring her frozen yogurt treat. I guess pinkberry is a dish best served while seated.

Not so lucky

We run out the door and scurry to the nearest lotto retailer to purchase our tickets for the $252,000,000 mega jackpot. The clerk looks at us quizzically and asks us our age, not quite sure if we are older than 18 yrs old, lol. We buy 20 quick picks and then jog back home, all the while pondering what we would buy if we won; A loft in Paris, a house in Australia, vacations in Asia...We arrive home, throw our sweaty running clothes in the wash, quickly shower and get ready to leave for dinner reservations. On the drive to the restaurant she realizes she might have left the $20 worth of lotto tickets in her running shorts, which were swirling around in the washing machine. Alas, our potential claim to $252 million became a worthless lump of wet pulp. Some people just shouldn't play the lotto.