Busted

My gf found a Christmas card in the trash, took a picture of it and sent it to me. She texted "who's Shelly and what did you do?" Shelly is Sheldon, my boss. In retrospect, maybe I should have played along to punish her for going through the garbage like a nyc rat.

Babies

Yesterday, my gf and I experienced changing a soiled diaper for the 1st time. It was both a humorous and dramatic scene as we frantically searched for a new diaper, argued over who would toss the poop filled diaper, and debated over how much baby powder to use. We eventually accomplished the task at hand, but it would have been much less stressful if my gf wasn't screaming the whole time as if the poop-filled diaper was a ticking time bomb that could explode at any second.

Doggy obsessed

My gf spends approximately 840 minutes a week looking at pictures of dogs online. That works out to 2 hours everyday or nearly 10% of her day!

Daisy

While I was away in Vegas for a weekend my gf randomly decided to foster a dog. She saved an 18 month old beagle mix, named Daisy, from being put to sleep. My gf agreed to foster Daisy until the shelter found a permanent home for her. Daisy turned out to be such a cute and well behaved dog that we instantly became attached to her. The shelter was able to find someone to adopt Daisy rather quickly so we only fostered her for 10 days. As it turns out, my gf was away that weekend when the shelter came to transfer Daisy to her new country home in Pennsylvania, so when she returned home Daisy was already gone. Now every time we pass by a cute dog or see a picture of a puppy online, my gf will cry out "You gave Daisy away!! How could you??" As I've discovered over the years, the best response is to just hug her and whisper "I know, I know, it's okay."

PB&J

I made my gf a heart shaped PB&J sandwich for breakfast by cutting off the corners of the bread and she got angry because she thought that I had given her a half-eaten sandwich!

Date Night

I love Friday's because it means it's date night..I mean dateline date night! Are there other couples out there that enjoy investigative programming as much as we do?

Taste in Movies

I'll admit my gf has great taste in fashion, but when it comes to movies her taste would be equivalent to wearing socks with sandals, uggs with a denim skirt, a sheer white dress with a black bra...you get the idea. Anytime I suggest a movie night, her preference is determined by the following rules: 1) Any cartoon/animated movies playing? 2) If not, then whatever brainless, high school setting movie is playing ie; Easy A. Since I also occasionally enjoy a pixar or dreamworks animation, I used to give her the benefit of the doubt regarding what movies to watch. But after she failed my little test last week I am assured that her taste in movies is beyond repair. One of the worst movies ever happened to be playing on tv, so I turned it on and waited for her to make me change the channel. We ended up watching WATERWORLD in its entirety. No further questions your honor, case closed.

Ever been banned from a restaurant?

The _____ is shining. Wrong ____. If you fill in the blanks you get the name of the restaurant in flushing that my gf and I are barred from patronizing. It all started innocently enough with a craving for some bubble tea. We walked into this fine establishment, known for their snacks and frothy drinks, and ordered a large bubble tea. As I waited for the order my gf excused herself to use the restroom. 5 minutes later my drink is ready but no sight of the gf. I wait another 10 minutes and start to wonder if she's fallen and can't get up. I figured maybe I should call her and dig into my pocket for my phone. As I am about to call, I see her speed walking towards me, her eyes nervously darting left to right. She lunges for the exit and whispers "we have to go NOW." I follow her out quietly and ponder what the heck is going on. Yes ladies and gentlemen, my gf bombed the toilet, porcelain volcanic eruption and all. Man, they make the best bubble teas too.

Island Living

My gf only lives on islands!!! Singapore, Australia, and Manhattan. Maybe she is some human subspecies island creature.