iphone

I spent the last 2 weeks debating on which cell phone I should upgrade to and my gf, a devout Apple consumer, spent 2 weeks trying to convince me to get an iphone. Having been a long time Motorola user I was inclined to continue the trend and buy the Motorola Droid. My gf's persistent demeanor had other plans however. She shot down my selection of smart phone preferences, calling them iphone imitator. Exhausted from her consistent pressure, I finally relented and got the 3Gs. You'd think she would be proud of herself for having converted me to an Apple user, or even excited for me but nay. Do you smell that...smells like jealousy.

Large Denominations

You know that age old excuse people use when they want their friend to pay for them. I'm sure you've probably tried using it yourself a couple times. For example, buying a pack of gum at the news stand you might slyly ask your friend "Can you get this for me, it's only $1.50 and I don't want to break my hundred dollar bill." This trick might work a few times on the same friend, but eventually they will catch on after the small purchases start adding up. The trick completely failed however, when my gf tried using it on me at the grocery store by saying "I don't want to break this $20 bill." Nice try Sweetie! Muah.

Hypocrite

Back in March I decided to buy a Xootr MG kick scooter after researching about efficient and convenient alternative modes of transportation. When I brought the scooter home and proudly showed off my new purchase to my gf she laughed in my face and reprimanded me for acting like a child. I tried explaining to her that the Xootr MG was no ordinary kid's scooter, but rather what TIME magazine calls "the Rolls Royce of scooters." As usual my argument was rebuffed and my gf continued to mock me for the next few days. Little did I know, my scooter would soon become shared property as my gf asked to ride it whenever we went grocery shopping or walked to the car. Before I knew it she was monopolizing my scooter, which she had labeled as a "kid's toy." While outside together, the only time I was allowed to utilize it was with her clinging onto my back while riding tandem. Tandem meaning, her standing directly behind me with me pushing a combined weight of 280 lbs...I thought I was going to die on some of the uphill streets.

Maybe it was a blessing in disguise that my scooter was stolen.

Thanksgiving

In the spirit of Thanksgiving I wanted to take a moment to write something nice about my gf. I think she deserves a break from all the teasing about her funny characteristics, which make her so unique and lovable. So here goes nothing...Hmmm, ummm...just a minute...let me think now...there must be something...
Just kidding sweetie, you can lower your arms from that attack position now. This Thanksgiving I am thankful for having a sweet and loving gf who I enjoy spending everyday with. You've brought much laughter and joy into my life this past year and I am grateful to have you by my side. Muah!

We'll return to your regular schedule programming after the holidays.

Ordering epic fail

Ordering at French restaurants can cause quite the dilemma considering the subtleties of pronouncing French dishes. I'm sure there are many out there, myself included, that would have trouble pronouncing coq au vin: COKE oh-VANH or Duck a l'orange: DUCK ah-lo-RAHNGE or Steak au poivre: STAKE oh PWAHV. Most diners might butcher the pronuncation, but for the most part I'm certain the waiter would be able to get your order correct without asking for clarification. Recently my dear dear gf managed to order a completely different dish than what was on the menu at Epices, which isn't a French restaurant btw. "I'll have the Falafel [fuh-lah-fuhl] " she says to the waiter...

You had to be there.

BAMBI

Being a dog lover, it didn't take much persuading from my gf to convince me to have her dog shipped to NY from Singapore. What she forgot to mention was that her dog is actually a killer attack dog that enjoys biting at people's pant legs and challenging other dogs 20x his size. I love you Bambi!

Plastic

My gf recently signed up for a credit/debit card with the intention of building up her credit rating. Her plan seems to have back fired as she becomes more and more tangled in the web of online shopping. Every week some random products arrive in the mail. Recent purchases include a waffle/panini maker, a scarf with pockets, an assortment of lotions and facial creams, and a pink sheer tank top(despite the summer being over). This new addiction is on top of the apparel sample sale addiction she already has; at least they only accept cash.