Thanksgiving

In the spirit of Thanksgiving I wanted to take a moment to write something nice about my gf. I think she deserves a break from all the teasing about her funny characteristics, which make her so unique and lovable. So here goes nothing...Hmmm, ummm...just a minute...let me think now...there must be something...
Just kidding sweetie, you can lower your arms from that attack position now. This Thanksgiving I am thankful for having a sweet and loving gf who I enjoy spending everyday with. You've brought much laughter and joy into my life this past year and I am grateful to have you by my side. Muah!

We'll return to your regular schedule programming after the holidays.

Ordering epic fail

Ordering at French restaurants can cause quite the dilemma considering the subtleties of pronouncing French dishes. I'm sure there are many out there, myself included, that would have trouble pronouncing coq au vin: COKE oh-VANH or Duck a l'orange: DUCK ah-lo-RAHNGE or Steak au poivre: STAKE oh PWAHV. Most diners might butcher the pronuncation, but for the most part I'm certain the waiter would be able to get your order correct without asking for clarification. Recently my dear dear gf managed to order a completely different dish than what was on the menu at Epices, which isn't a French restaurant btw. "I'll have the Falafel [fuh-lah-fuhl] " she says to the waiter...

You had to be there.

BAMBI

Being a dog lover, it didn't take much persuading from my gf to convince me to have her dog shipped to NY from Singapore. What she forgot to mention was that her dog is actually a killer attack dog that enjoys biting at people's pant legs and challenging other dogs 20x his size. I love you Bambi!

Plastic

My gf recently signed up for a credit/debit card with the intention of building up her credit rating. Her plan seems to have back fired as she becomes more and more tangled in the web of online shopping. Every week some random products arrive in the mail. Recent purchases include a waffle/panini maker, a scarf with pockets, an assortment of lotions and facial creams, and a pink sheer tank top(despite the summer being over). This new addiction is on top of the apparel sample sale addiction she already has; at least they only accept cash.

Don't forget the lyrics

My gf isn't a big fan of pop music so it's understandable when she doesn't recognize the artist whose song is playing on the radio, but recently when I discovered she had mistaken the lyrics to Lady Gaga's "Paparazzi" song I couldn't help but divulge her version to her friends, whom proceeded to erupt in sidesplitting laughter.

Her version:
I'm your biggest fan
I'll follow you until you love me
Pava-pavarotti
Baby there's no other superstar
You know that I'll be your
Pava-pavarotti

Maybe Lady Gaga is a huge opera fanatic???

Pack leader

My gf thinks I don't act as the pack leader for our dog because I don't always correct him if he tugs on the leash while on walks and since I rather not be seen in public carrying a water gun, which also doubles as a weapon of last resort to correct the dog's misbehavior. The fact is that I've improved as a dominant pack leader over time and the dog is definitely more trustworthy of me. All the while, my gf still remains a pushover as evidenced when I awake with the dog snuggled up, under the covers, by our feet despite the fact that we agreed not to let him sleep on the bed. Keep in mind he's a chihuahua so you can rule out the theory that he jumped on the bed while we were asleep.

Cruel and unusual punishment

Dear ASPCA,

Is it considered animal cruelty if your gf offers her bare feet to the dog and he licks it over and over for 5 minutes? Plus, when you discover this gross encounter and tell her to stop, she claims "he likes it, see."