Plastic

My gf recently signed up for a credit/debit card with the intention of building up her credit rating. Her plan seems to have back fired as she becomes more and more tangled in the web of online shopping. Every week some random products arrive in the mail. Recent purchases include a waffle/panini maker, a scarf with pockets, an assortment of lotions and facial creams, and a pink sheer tank top(despite the summer being over). This new addiction is on top of the apparel sample sale addiction she already has; at least they only accept cash.

Don't forget the lyrics

My gf isn't a big fan of pop music so it's understandable when she doesn't recognize the artist whose song is playing on the radio, but recently when I discovered she had mistaken the lyrics to Lady Gaga's "Paparazzi" song I couldn't help but divulge her version to her friends, whom proceeded to erupt in sidesplitting laughter.

Her version:
I'm your biggest fan
I'll follow you until you love me
Pava-pavarotti
Baby there's no other superstar
You know that I'll be your
Pava-pavarotti

Maybe Lady Gaga is a huge opera fanatic???

Pack leader

My gf thinks I don't act as the pack leader for our dog because I don't always correct him if he tugs on the leash while on walks and since I rather not be seen in public carrying a water gun, which also doubles as a weapon of last resort to correct the dog's misbehavior. The fact is that I've improved as a dominant pack leader over time and the dog is definitely more trustworthy of me. All the while, my gf still remains a pushover as evidenced when I awake with the dog snuggled up, under the covers, by our feet despite the fact that we agreed not to let him sleep on the bed. Keep in mind he's a chihuahua so you can rule out the theory that he jumped on the bed while we were asleep.

Cruel and unusual punishment

Dear ASPCA,

Is it considered animal cruelty if your gf offers her bare feet to the dog and he licks it over and over for 5 minutes? Plus, when you discover this gross encounter and tell her to stop, she claims "he likes it, see."

Say apologize!

When my gf and I get into a fight it's pretty hard for us to stay mad at each other because she'll usually say something silly and we'll both start cracking up. Case in point, the other day we started arguing about something I did or didn't do, I can't recall exactly what it was but she was pretty pissed at me. Towards the end of our little spat she demands "say apologize." Despite having learned from past experience that I have a better chance at winning the lottery than an argument with the gf, I can't resist digging myself into a deeper hole and mutter "apologize."
Not surprisingly, punches ensue...I guess I'm a masochist : )