The truth is out!!!

Question #2 from this Newsweek quiz about women and sex ask:

What's more likely to make a women who is interested in you sexually aroused?

a) taking her for a quiet walk in the park
b) drawing her a nice bubble bath
c) going for a run together
d) feeding her chocolate

Answer: (c) exercise jump-starts sexual arousal in women.

OMG, that's why my gf asked me to go running together on our 1st date.
I think I was seduced : /

Help!

Loyal readers, I am calling on your help. My gf has contracted some type of medical condition that I haven't been able to diagnose. If you are a doctor or have come across the following symptoms please contact me asap. Here are her symptoms:
-extremely gassy
-enjoys hitting me
-always wakes up late for work
-shopaholic
-likes to kiss me after chewing Japanese dried squid snacks

Thank you in advance for any assistance you can provide.

Dessert Heaven...NOT!!!

It's a well known fact that guys occasionally give their significant others gifts that they really want for themselves. Prime examples include big screen TVs or stainless steel BBQ grills. Now unless your gf lives under a rock, she's obviously going to point out your ulterior motive and demand another gift, probably something from Tiffany as punishment. When it comes to presents for the gf, rarely do guys get to have one's cake and eat it too. As luck would have it, when my gf requested a KitchenAid stand mixer for her birthday it was seemingly a win-win situation for me. Given that she has an account on allrecipes.com, where users share recipes and post pictures of their cooking, and her inclination for baking sweets I figured my sweet tooth would be satisfied with an abundance of chocolate chip cookies, frosted cupcakes, triple chocolate mousse cakes, and oreo-crumb cheesecakes. With the assistance of a high-end, 10 speed, 120 volt beauty of a mixer, who wouldn't take advantage and churn out desserts by the boatload. As it turns out, the stand mixer has sat idle on the kitchen counter for the majority of its life and my sweet tooth remains unsatisfied.

What does your email address say about you?

Although my gf has not been a teenager for nearly a decade she only recently upgraded to an "adult" email account. You know what I'm talking about, right? Everyone is guilty of it...that first ever email address you created. If you are female and Asian I'm 99% certain that your address contained at least one of the following words: angel, baby, sweetie, lil, or cutie. If you really put some thought into the creative process you probably ended up with something like xLiLcuTeAnGeLx@aol.com. Well my gf was definitely part of the rule, not the exception on this one. Fortunately, after much prodding from myself and some friends, she agreed to join the rest of the world and signed up for a gmail account with a mature sounding address in the format of doe.jane@gmail.com. It's a step forward, but I have a feeling that getting her to act her age will be a lot more difficult.

Hiatus

You may have noticed the lull of recent blog entries. Could it be that my gf has transformed into the perfect girlfriend thus giving me no funny material to write about? Is it possible that she stopped berating me to do the laundry, wash the dishes, or walk the dog? Am I the king of my domain, laying on the couch, feet elevated on the coffee table with remote in one hand and a cold beer in the other? If you hesitated in your answer then you obviously don't know my gf. She recently returned from Europe, so I'm sure there will be plenty of reading material on this page in the near future. In the interim, enjoy the break as I certainly will.

Dog Training/Boyfriend Training

The other day we hired a bark busters dog trainer to teach us how to train our chihuahua, Bambi. The gist of the 2 hour/$200 session was that we need to correct Bambi whenever he misbehaves. The trainer explained that when Bambi barks or doesn't obey a command we should say "BAHH!!" in a low, firm voice. On the other hand, if Bambi complies then we should praise him by saying "good boy" in a sweet, gentle tone. I know, I know...you're thinking you could have learned the same thing from watching 1 episode of the Dog Wisperer. Anyway, my gf decides to apply the same training techniques on me as if it's compatible with boyfriends. So now I get a BAHH!! whenever I leave clothes on the floor or don't wash the dishes. Woof?

I'm the weatherman

Every morning when my gf awakes from her deep, drool filled slumber she'll turn to me and ask "What's the weather today?" While it's true I usually do have an idea of the temperature, my answer never seems to suffice, which leaves me wondering, why ask in the 1st place then? Given my lack of meteorology training, I'll answer to the best of my ability which consist of the general responses of hot, warm, chilly, or cold. To which my sweet, never annoying gf will reply "How hot or how cold?" She assumes I know the exact temperature the instant I wake up as if I were Al Roker doing the weather on the Today show. I guess this would be the response she expects; sweetie, today's high will reach 76 degrees with a 60% chance of thunderstorms. An area of low pressure is moving across the coast so expect an inch of precipiatation starting around 7pm tonight. Have a great day at work.
Here's the kicker, when I look up the weather and tell her the temperature, she'll ask "what's that in celcius?"